They say “you don’t realize what you have until it’s gone.” It’s so true! Almost three weeks ago I underwent a back-related surgery that has since left me bed-bound.
Until now, the business of my life has been constant. I’m the kind of person that plans in advance. For years, life hasn’t worked without my day planner, cell phone, or car. I knew this time was coming, I made a choice to go through this surgery-more specifiacally, to grow through it’s recovery process. Yet in no way was I mentally prepared for what was ahead…the sound of the hustle and bustle of my everyday routine coming to a screetching halt: silence.
My mind is floating out of it’s body that’s stuck here, unable to move. Outside there’s a world that’s happening and I’m not a part of it. Helpless, I stare out my window. There’s a tree blocking my view, as if it’s trying to hide everything I’m missing. It isn’t fair! Yesterday I could do what I wanted when and how I wanted to do it. Today I’m incapable of doing anything for myself, but I’m too proud to ask for help. Tomorrow I’ll regret this. Tomorrow I’ll be hungry, but nobody will be here to feed me. Tomorrow I’ll be bored, but nobody will be here to entertain me. Tomorrow I’ll finally have a story, but nobody will be here to listen.
And then it hit me. “How do other people live this way? I am here by choice, but what about those that don’t have one?”
I decided it was time to get “unstuck” out of this rut. As I began to change my perspective and let go a little, the light came trickling back into my room, filling it with warmth and feeling. I accepted my situation, I did what I could with the resouces I had. I now embrace Instant Netflix movies, “Friends” re-runs, the neglected list of books I’ve been meaning to read, Mad Libs, and years-old magazines Oprah magazines I never had the heart to toss. This truth will remain: we can’t be in control of every situation, but we can always be in control of how we choose to percieve them.
The lessons I’ve learned during this time have been irreplaceable. When I get back on my two feet again, I hope I don’t forget them.
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